Anna and Jackson Page 12

  The insecurities I thought I’d long conquered rise up to bite me in the ass. I know this. I understand it’s brought on by my fear of losing Jackson. We’re bound to see his past conquests, but fuck; I don’t want to see them back to back. I’m doubting myself and questioning everything. I don’t want to be that person. I am not a head case. At least, I don’t want to be.

  “Yeah, Jax,” I seethe, using Vivian’s nickname.

  “Miss Macon, you’re testing me beyond my limits. I’ll take you over my knee and redden that sweet ass of yours.”

  “Put me down. I want to go home.”

  I’m tired of fighting and I know if I go back inside, I’ll have to deal with drama number one and drama number two. That’s entirely too much crazy for me to deal with in one afternoon.

  “We’ll go home after I handle the cluster-fuck that is my mother and Vivian.”

  I know the mature thing to do is go inside with him, and just let the evil spawns of Satan know they haven’t won. But I can’t. I’m emotionally and mentally exhausted. My mouth vomits the first words that come to mind. I can’t stop the train wreck.

  “How about you handle your shit and I’ll handle mine.”

  His arm releases me and my feet hit the ground. This entire situation is fucked. I need to get away to think.

  “Annabelle, you need to speak clear. Spell it out for me.”

  His voice is a splash of cold water against my skin.

  He knows what I’m saying.

  I know what I’m saying.

  I just know I shouldn’t have. My throat burns, and my nose begins to clog as hot tears cloud my vision and threaten to slide down my cheeks. I take a deep breath. Willing myself not to cry in front of him.

  “What is this, Jackson?” My voice is small to even my own ears. “How about you speak clearly, so I understand?”

  I push back on his chest to put distance between us. I’m afraid to look into his eyes, but I do anyway. I need to see it.

  “Tell me what this is? Do you love me, Jackson? Or do you just want someone to come home to, to bear your children, and cook your food? Is it because you think we’re compatible?”

  I watch as he takes a step back. He looks at me as if I’m the one being unreasonable and crazy. Like asking him to define our relationship is too much.

  “You’re asking me this now? After last night? Wasn’t I clear enough?”

  “Is there any other time to discuss us?”

  “Yeah, at home. I have an appointment and I have to tie up loose ends.” There is no inflection in his words, just a string of sounds and syllables.

  “Your appointment is more important than what’s happening between us right now?”

  I can see the struggle in his eyes. Which means whatever it is, is serious, and more important than us--at least to him. What’s more important than us? There is a hole forming in my heart as my soul bleeds into a void of nothing. Am I being crazy? Is it self-induced hurt? Possibly, but I just want him to recognize our status as a couple, define it so there is no misunderstandings between us. Am I a bitch for making him choose? He’s been making me choose for months. Pushing me into a corner until there is nothing left but panic and doubt. I break and say what I swore I wouldn’t say until he said it first.

  “I love you, Jackson. It’s a love that’s fierce, deep, and possibly never-ending. But I refuse to go in there with you. I’m not dealing with head games and spiteful tactics. You told me to trust you to handle this situation. Well, I’m going to do just that, even though it feels like you’re choosing them over me.”

  Jackson nods and turns away from me. He doesn’t even look back.

  My legs threaten to buckle, but I turn, tears flowing freely and I leave. Some men chase after their women. Other men let their women cool down, and then try to work things out later. I can’t tell which one Jackson is, not in this moment. But I know I need to get away from this place. I’ve just told Jackson Storme I love him, and instead of the response I was hoping for, I get a head nod, and his back. I walk and walk, making sure to go in the opposite direction we came. Joey would be there soon, and I just want to be alone.

  I need to reevaluate my current state and organize my priorities. Either there is going to be an us, or it’s going to be Jackson Storme and Anna Macon, two separate entities that exist without the other. For me, it is the hardest decision of all, because I know if this all blows up in my face, I will be forever ruined.

  Give and Take: Chapter 7

  Jackson knew he was the biggest asshole on the planet for not going after Anna. But he knew if he dealt with Vivian, he could conquer his woman’s fears and insecurities.

  When Anna had told him she loved him, he hadn’t said the words back. It wasn’t because he didn’t love the woman, because he loved her with every breath he had.

  He’d been unable to open one door without completely shutting the other. He had no doubts about Annabelle Macon; he just needed the road clear for them to move forward. She was everything he wanted in a woman. She needed to trust him. His protective side wanted to follow her, but he knew she needed the time to calm down.

  She wanted to walk. He’d let her walk. For a little bit, then he’d have someone pick her up. It would do her some good, and by the time he did catch up with her, she’d be civil. Jackson quickly pulled his cell from his pocket and ensured her ride would indeed find her and deliver her to her mother’s house. That’s where she’d run to. It’s where she always ran.

  Jackson walked back into his mother’s home. His home, but he hated this place. There were too many bad memories and secrets inside he didn’t want to face or deal with. Inara was still cleaning the floors when he walked in. She stood, wiping her hands on her pants. Giving him a smile, she looked her fill of him.

  “Where’s your girl?” Venom dripped from her voice. She’d always been too clingy, which was one of the many reasons he’d stopped sleeping with her.

  “Inara, don’t worry about Anna, and if I were you, I’d watch it.”

  “You threatening me, Sheriff?” she asked sweetly.

  “Don’t have to. I know who’s looking for you, girl. Best remember that.”

  Her eyes widened, and she quickly turned to finish cleaning his mom’s parquet floors. He wasn’t going to let her father know where she was, that would ensure all kinds of hell breaking loose in his quiet town. That was something he couldn’t afford.

  “Jax… Jax…” Vivian’s voice echoed through the halls, irritating the hell out of him. Pulling frustrated fingers through his hair, he headed into the parlor to finish the ridiculousness that was his mother and Vivian.

  “Stop calling me Jax. My name is Jackson and let’s get one thing straight—. If either of you try to ruin what I have with Annabelle, you both will regret the day you came into this world.”

  He took a step toward both women who were sitting on the couch, the little girl sitting between them.

  “We’re going to first find out if little Ava is mine. If she is, then I’ll do the right thing. Get to know her.”

  Vivian crossed her legs and rested an arm on the back of the couch.

  “Oh, you’re the father, Jackson.” She put emphasis on his full name. “Of that I’m sure. But you’re gonna do the right thing by making sure our little girl has a family.”

  Like he wouldn’t. He and Anna would treat her right no matter what. It wasn’t Ava’s fault her mom was a total bitch.

  “She will have family.”

  I get a ride with Timothy Winston, a man-boy that was a senior at Beauville High. He didn’t ask questions when I asked him to take me to my mom’s. He was very accommodating, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was looking for me. By tomorrow, the entire town would know Jackson and I were fighting and shortly after that, they would know why.

  My mom’s house is empty when Timothy pulls up. But it’s expected. Today is her day for cleaning Jimmy Tipton’s place. I shake my head when I notice the windows. Pearl Macon leave
s her windows open and her doors unlocked--which makes for easy entry into her home. No one in town would dare break in. This is a quiet town steeped in values and soaked in secrets. The inside smells like apple pie. Home. I make a glass and walk out to the back porch. I take a seat in the rocker and think about today’s events.

  Who was I kidding anyway? Jackson Storme comes with more drama than the law allows. The girl, Inara; Vivian and her daughter, Ava. Not to mention his bitch of a mother. All were complications in their own way. I thought I could deal with his past. In my own mind, I pictured us together, drama-free and living a happy life. It was foolish of me to assume there’d be no issues.

  He’s the Sheriff. Jackson has no real privacy, and because of his position, everything will be public. I don’t like unnecessary attention. No one comments on our status as a couple. I knew women out there were biding their time, waiting to see how long we’d last. I imagined there were bets put in place. The town’s golden boy and the Mayor’s bastard daughter. No one would say it to our face. We were the topic of quiet conversation. There’s also the obvious always scrutinized, never acknowledged in public issue--because after all, every self-respecting Southerner was beyond reproach, always polite, and never, ever, gossiped out in the open.

  Oh no, they did it behind closed doors. In their church pews, or garden parties. Because I’m from the wrong side of the tracks, I am of color. Somehow, I’m becoming my mother, waiting around for a man who already has a family.

  It’s becoming painfully clear how my life will go if I allow it. Jackson will do what society deems right, by marrying Vivian and making Ava legit. I’d end up being his piece of ass on the side, visiting me in the dead of the night.

  No fucking way.

  I am not going to be Jackson’s mistress. He asked me to trust him and I’m doing my damn best to put faith in his words, but it’s hard. Really hard. The front door opens and I hear my mother putting her keys down on the end table. She putters around in the kitchen for a few moments before joining me on the back porch.

  “Baby girl, what are you doing back here on my porch?”

  “Thinking, mama. How was work?”

  “Fine, child, just fine.”

  It’s starting to get dark; I’ve been deep in thought a lot longer than I thought. The fireflies begin to twinkle in and out of focus.

  “Talk in town says Jackson’s got a baby mama. That true, girl?”

  Well damn, guess it took less than a day. My mom eyes me sideways. A look that means she isn’t up for half-truths.

  “Seems that way.” I sigh, pulling my legs up and setting them on the railing. We’re silent for a moment. I’m thinking and if I know my mom, she’s giving me time to see my way clear of all the crazy.

  “I can’t be that girl, Mama,” I whisper. Fear, I can feel it. An unsettling feeling that sits heavy in my gut. It’s strong and laced with a tiny dose of terror. I’m terrified that I’ve given my heart to the wrong man. That I was immature with childhood-based feelings for Jackson. I’ve been in love with him since before I understood what it meant to love someone. What if my love is childish and he’s exploiting my affections? Or worse, feels I’m not adult enough to handle a man like him? It isn’t like he’s been in a lot of serious relationships. As far as I know, he’s never done serious, until me. No, there was Vivian. He was going to marry Vivian.

  “What girl, chère?”

  “The kind who’s kept and hidden away.”

  I try to leave the resentment out of my voice. Pearl Macon gave me a good life. We may not have had a lot when I was growing up, but I had the essentials. Everything but a father. The Mayor would come by of course, and shower me with dresses and toys, but in public, he was distant. Because of the whispers in town and school, I knew who he was, but my mother neither confirmed nor denied who he was to me.

  “I did the best I could, Annabelle.”

  “I know, Mama.”

  “I was young and headstrong, just like you, baby, but my heart was stubborn and selfish. Still is.”

  She turns in her chair, grabbing my hand and looks at me with fear and love. “Rufus isn’t your father, sweet girl. He’s just the man who put me back together.”

  I gasp. Shocked, because all this time, I thought he was my father. “What? But I look like him. Wood and I could be twins.”

  “Maybe so, but Wood’s daddy ain’t your daddy. You do have a brother, though.”

  My heart is in my throat. I don’t have a voice to say what I am feeling. If Rufus isn’t my father, then who is?

  “Rufus and I didn’t care for each other when we were growing up. But his cousin William and I were two peas in the pod. Or so I thought.”

  “William Cavanaugh?”

  That’s Treat’s father. Treat Cavanaugh is my brother. Unreal.

  “Mama?”

  “Yes, child, Treat is your brother and Wood is your first cousin. Everyone speculates, baby girl, and well, the joke’s on them, huh?” My mother lets out a robust laugh as she catches herself around the stomach and wheezes a bit from laughing too hard.

  “It’s not a joke, Mama. Why didn’t you say something?”

  “Why should I? It’s none of their damn business. They aren’t the ones living my life. It’s my decision, my dealings. Those old biddies can all bite me for all I care. I’m Pearl Everdeen Macon, I find my own way in this life, no one gets to tell me what I can and can’t do with it.

  “So how did Rufus step in?” I’m curious about my mother and the Mayor, now. I always thought he was my father. William Cavanaugh was the furthest thing from my mind. He is a billionaire recluse, who lives on the outskirts of town in a house made of glass with state of the art technology, which he built for him and his fourth wife, Courtney.

  “Well, when Iona came back with Treat, Will came down here to pay me off so I would disappear. He brought Rufus with him. It wasn’t a pretty day. I may have even blacked out and given Will that nice little scar on his lip when I punched him right in the kisser.” My mom grins as she remembers the day. “Anyway, you were only a baby. You were on the porch in your yellow dress, inside a drawer I fashioned for you to play in while I watered the plants.” My mother pauses, deep in thought and I wait for her to continue. Her hand reaches out and squeezes mine with hers. “He came and tried to get me to leave, said he’d pay for everything. You know how the Cavanaugh’s are, they buy everything, everybody. But Macons aren’t for sale.”

  “No. We aren’t.”

  “So I told him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. You know because I’m classy like that.”

  We both laugh until we can’t laugh anymore.

  “Well, that’s when Rufus stepped in. Picked his cousin up off the floor, proclaiming that you and I would be cared for. We started off not liking each other, to becoming friends, and now he’s my heart. We were good at first, I mean, at being friends, but then one day I was leaving his family’s house from cleaning. It was summer. It had started raining and my car wouldn’t start. Something was in the rain that day, child. I tell you nothing went right that day, except Rufus and me. I started walking; Rufus was on his way back to the house, saw me, picked me up, and took me home. Next thing I know, we are where we’re at now. Stalemate.”

  “Stalemate?”

  “Yes, honey, stalemate. It’s when you’re stuck; no other moves can be made. Rufus didn’t deny the rumors about you because he felt that if the Cavanaugh’s found out, they would cause more issues. With Rufus’ family being in politics already, everyone in town knew there’d be a scandal. What small-town doesn’t have its secrets? So that’s us baby, we’re the scandal.”

  In a way, that makes no sense, but coming from my mother, it does. She wanted to show William she wasn’t beat and at the same time, I was a reminder. My mother is stubborn and so is her heart.

  “Baby, my life has been lived. I take pleasure in small things. I ruined my reputation a longtime ago, but I have no regrets. You’re my greatest joy, my one true const
ant.”

  My throat’s threatening to close up again and my eyes are blurry with tears.

  “Was I wrong? Maybe. But I don’t care and neither does Rufus. His wife knows you’re not Wood’s sister. But despite all that, she doesn’t care either way. She’s been sleeping around for years. She gave Rufus Wood and the both of them are happy in their secret liaisons.”

  “Mama, everyone knows you and the Mayor are together. It’s not a secret.” I reply wiping tears from my face.

  Pearl Macon’s lips tip up into a huge grin.

  “But they keep him in office. You know why? Because although there are secrets in this town that most don’t dare whisper about, this secret’s small potatoes compared to most.”

  She’s right, there are many secrets. Some I know, others, I’ve only heard whispered about. Like Corrine Storme. She’s from the wrong side of the tracks, just like me. No one talks about it now that she sits atop her high horse. Joey and I grew up together. But one summer that all changed. Jackson and Josephine Storme were half-siblings. Jackson’s father was a Storme; Joey’s father was an out-of-town contract worker just passing through. He did odd jobs here and there. So when Joey was born, it was no secret that she wasn’t a Storme, and who she belonged to. Jackson remained with his father while his mother and sister moved back down to her grandparents’ home on my side of town. When his father passed away, Jackson sent for them both, making sure they were cared for.

  “So what now?”

  “Give your man the chance to prove himself, sugar. Jackson will need to make the right choice, and so will you.”

  “What choice do I need to make?”

  I thought I’d already done that.

  “Honey, that man has been trying to get you to be a permanent fixture in his life, and you’re not making it any easier for him with your traveling back and forth between two cities. Pick a home. Everything else will come. When you came home on the Fourth, you wanted to start over. Now you’re all city slick and ready to take on the world. Remember where you come from. Your roots are here, girl.”